One of the was fabricated: my memories, changing as time passed. Telling this story has been a constant questioning of reality. I've re-read the emails, reading forgotten discussions, pleasant compliments, things that once mattered and that have completely disappeared from my mind. Sometimes they come back, I read a phrase and it's like a switch has been activated, it all comes back in a sudden jolt. Sometimes, however, I read words that I myself have written and they feel stranger than that of a classic writer dead two hundred years before I was born.What I remember the most is the routine, the weekly meetings at the same room, first at the hotel, then at The Place, the small apartment that I rented only for our meetings. It was different than any other relationship I had. There was no jealousy—I had always been jealous—no questions of who we were, what we had done the day before. We didn't know each other names, where the other lived, anything. All the questions that people ask to. After several months of doing this I found nude pictures of her laying right on top of her panties I wondered if she knew and had put them there, These pictures were very sexy and some hardcore with many sex toys and another woman. A few months later on a visit I was laying on the floor one Saturday morning playing with the dog and she came in and stepped over me to sit in her chair and she had no panties on as I seen right up her silky nightgown, I was so turned on that I went straight into the bathroom and jerked off. I was beginning to think she was doing things on purpose with the pictures and the no panties and of course this only fueled my fantasies. A few months later I was visiting and my dad who worked in law enforcement got called in on a emergency and it was just me and my stepmom and of course my mind started racing, so after an hour or so I told her I was going to my room and going to bed and I remember what she said because it was kinda different, she said “enjoy”. I.
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